NBC’s Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien is dead. It was murdered. The whole world knows who killed it, and it certainly wasn’t Conan O’Brien. It wasn’t even The Masturbating Bear. 

The past month has been incredible viewing for fans of comedy (or of Jay Leno). It was billed as Leno V Conan, however, it very quickly became Leno V Conan, Letterman, Kimmel, The Internet, The World etc etc. Here’s why i think Conan O’Brien is the real winner;

F unny – It’s what he does best. Regardless of what was happening in the boardroom, Conan fronted up and found the funny every night.

U napologetic – Lesser hosts may have felt they were letting people down. He explained his decision, and stuck to his guns.

C oco – The nickname caught on and set the internet on fire. Team CoCo was everywhere. Facebook groups, rallies, Cheeto portraits etc.

K arma – It’s on his side. In the words of Arnie (being impersonated by Conan) “I’ll be back” (eats sausage).

N aughty. He took risks with material right up to the last night. He knows the difference between naughty and nasty.

B ravery. He had the gall to say no to one of the biggest corporations in the world based on integrity. hats off. 

C lass. The man is a class act. As a performer, as a boss and as a man who genuinely cares about his fans.

Last night, i accepted an invitation to see the World’s Greatest Wrestler, Hulk Hogan! A friend of mine, Ben Rosenthal, is a massive wrestling enthusiast/nerd, and has been trying to drag me to a ‘fight’ for years. “But it’s fake, and the result is pre-determined, so what’s the point?” i’d say to him. To which, he’d reply (in blog form of course);

Ask yourself a question; Do you go to the movies?  Were you entertained by it?  Guess what, movies are FAKE!  Read a good non-fiction book recently, like Lord of The Rings or Wayne Carey’s autobiography – FAKE!  My point being, just because you know something isn’t real doesn’t mean you cannot be entertained by it.  Wrestling, just like tv, books and movies, is an escape from the day to day drull that is life.  For an hour or two you can boo the evil bad guys, cheer the wholesome good guys, or be confused by the tweeners (wrestling lingo).

Thanks Ben, NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BLOG! 

He actually makes a pretty good point. I cheer for Batman at the movies. I cheer for Dexter on the television. I cheer for Team Jacob when i’m reading…..err….i mean, nothing. *clears throat*

My night at the wrestling was hilarious. Before the wrestlers get down to business in the ‘fight’, they partake in a 10 minute role play. They call each other names, they flex their muscles, they tell their opponent what they plan to do to them, and they flex their muscles. Did i mention the muscle flexing? Cool. It’s kind of like the dialogue in a porn film before they get down to business. Only the acting in porn is more believable. 

The ‘fight’ itself is even funnier. Chess is more of a contact sport than wrestling. A three count with your opponent on the floor equals victory. The referee will count to two and a half at least ten times per ‘fight’. Apparently this is suspenseful. They stamp their feet on the mat for sound as they throw faux-punches that rarely land within a metre of the target. The crowd cheers. The crowd boo’s. One of them is hit over the head with a chair that looks suspiciously like it’s made out of cardboard, and then a winner is announced. Pretty simple formula really. 

This year, inspired by the Danny Wallace book ‘Yes Man’, i’ve decided to say yes to more opportunities. Last month i went to a Britney Spears concert. There, i said it. This blog is fast becoming a form of therapy. But it brings me to my new game (drumroll), welcome to HULK, BRITNEY, OR BOTH? Simply pick one of those three options for each of the following;

- Performed in front of thousands of people at the Burswood Dome?

- Provided a fake performance?

- Failed to speak to their fans once?

- Had a show with an abundance of leather, lycra, knee high boots, sequins and exposed nipples?

- Main drawcard was a slightly out of shape blonde thing waddling awkwardly around a stage?

If you answered ‘Both’ to all of the above, congratulations, you’re absolutely correct! 

Peter Hore. He’s Australia’s most successful ‘Serial Pest’ of all time. Eddie McGuire is a close second.

This isn’t completely arbitrary, Peter Hore is on my mind for a reason. This afternoon i watched the Melbourne Cup and even though i enjoyed the race, i felt it was lacking something. I felt it was lacking spark. I started to reminisce about previous years spent soaking up that first Tuesday in November. The one image i couldn’t get out of my mind was from the 1997 Melbourne Cup. Serial Pest Peter Hore ran onto the track mid-race. Wow. I remember discussing it for weeks after it happened with my school mates. We felt a rare combination of confusion (what was his point?) and delight (It’s now ‘the race that stops the nation….unless you’re a weird malnourished dude with a goatie’).

I’d like to point out that i don’t agree with everything this man does. He’s interrupted a funeral or two in his time and i find that to be extremely disrespectful. He can also be unnecessarily vulgar. HOWEVER, when i see or hear about some of his stunts, i just can’t help but laugh. It’s like a child falling off a bike, or a cat walking directly into a clear sliding door – you know you’re not supposed to laugh, but it just happens. 

I’d like to run you through my top 3 Peter Hore moments. A ‘Serial Pest Resume’ if you will;

- (Jan, 2001) He ran onto the pitch of a One Day International cricket match between Australia and the West Indies at the SCG wearing a black bra and shorts. He sat on the pitch until removed by security.

- (Nov, 2007) He ran against Kevin Rudd as an independent in the Division of Griffith. He’s been quoted saying “I will be Australia’s first President”.

- (March, 2006) In a Ned Kelly style helmet, he rode a tricycle with a cage containing a number of cats into the middle of Energy Australia Stadium before the Newcastle V Parramatta game. 

Again, wow. I mean, points for originality. In entertainment, performers are always pushed to take things to the next level. I love the fact that he looked at himself in the mirror with a Ned Kelly style helmet on, sitting awkwardly on a tricycle and he thought…..”yeah, it’s not quite there is it? umm…..can someone hand me the cats in a cage? STAT”. 

Perhaps Peter Hore is in a solo brainstorm session as we speak? Meticulously planning his next stunt…..Will he paint himself black and attempt to integrate himself into an African American community? Will he pleasure himself to a picture of Barrack Obama? Will he literally be crucified? Probably not, because John Safran has already done all of those things on his new ABC TV show Race Relations. Sorry Peter. You snooze, you lose bro. 

Whatever the case, i’m sure Peter will strike again soon. He’s been out of the limelight for too long. And more importantly, he’s dropped 4 rankings spots on the ISPT (International Serial Pest Tour) after a solid performance from Kanye West at the recent MTV Video Music Awards. Peter would’ve given anything to have been there, ‘Yo, Kanye, I’m-a let YOU finish, but i’m one of the best Serial Pests of all time, one of the best serial pests of ALL TIME!’

On a personal level, i’d like to track Peter down. Give him a little taste of his own medicine. You know, wait til’ he’s about to do something mundane like mow his lawns……Then ride onto the lawns on a Penny Farthing dressed as Darth Vader playing a ukelele and pouring yoghurt all over myself. I’d be shouting nonsensical phrases like ‘Shania Twain owes me royalties, where’s the money Peter? Where’s the money?’

“Don Lane is dead”. Four words i certainly wasn’t expecting to read when i opened a text message from a mate a few hours ago. But it’s true, one of our greatest ever entertainers (right up there with The Jackson Jive) has passed away at 75. 

Even though Don Lane’s glory years happened well before i was old enough to enjoy them, i’ve viewed enough clips and heard enough stories to understand he was an Australian television legend. I had the honour of meeting him in 2008. He was very frail. I spoke to him for no more than 5 minutes, but i remember almost every word. The most valuable piece of advice he gave me was “Never be afraid to try something, if you don’t try, then how can you succeed?”. He then handed me a Crystal Meth pipe. Ok, i made the last bit up. But a valid message in there nonetheless. 

I just found out via the radio that Channel 9 will be airing a special tribute to the great man tonight. Tonight! So….EITHER….Channel 9 have the world’s most proficient archive and editing team….OR….they have a catalogue of 1 hour specials for personalities they think could cark it at any minute pre-prepared. How do they determine who goes on that list? Do they rummage through bins searching for their medical records? Or perhaps it’s a little less subtle? Perhaps there’s someone at Channel 9 who’s job it is to make an hourly phone call to Bill Lawry just to see ‘how he’s going?’. 

And where do they keep these microwave dinner style retrospectives? Are they on a shelf labelled ‘Hole In The Wall-Entire Series’ so as to ensure no one ever touches them? Or does someone frantically hide the tapes every time Bert comes in to record his links for 20 to 1? 

BERT – “Hey, why does it say ‘Bert Newton Dead’ on that tape up there?

CH 9 EMPLOYEE – “oh….um….err….it’s just….err….an office prank….(nervous laugh)….Yeah, we’re doing 20 to 1 great office pranks next week and you’re in it Bert” (nervous laugh again)

BERT – “20 to 1? But we work on The Spearman Experiment”

CH 9 EMPLOYEE – “No Bert, that’s Magda Szubanski”

BERT – “Oh, see, even i get the shows confused”

CH 9 EMPLOYEE – “No problem Bert, and by the way, congratulations on losing all that weight with Jenny Craig”

END SCENE

Don Lane will never be forgotten. In fact, with another biography coming out soon, Don Lane’s face will be on and under coffee tables for many years to come. Even though only 7 people will get this reference, i’ll end with it anyway….’Don Lane, he’s a glass act’. R.I.P

Earlier today i was sorting through my room and came across an old box marked ‘miscellaneous’. After the 3-4 minutes of self-congratulations for spelling it correctly, i opened it. Inside the box i found a Captain Socceroo book signed by Paul Wade (he once played on the same pitch as Maradona you know? if you don’t believe me, read the 12 chapters of his book devoted to this very topic….), a mouth organ, and a heap of VHS tapes. For the younger reader, VHS was the format we’d infringe copyright on in the OLD days! 

As i sifted through the tapes, reading my detailed hand-written labels, the memories came flooding back; ‘Sam’s English Premier League 95/96′, ‘Sam’s Seinfeld’, ‘Sam’s Crows’ Premiership 97′, ‘Sam’s Micallef P(r)ogram(me)’, ‘Definitely NOT Porn’ etc. 

Then i found it. A video tape that i received for Christmas 1990. No hand-written labeling on this one. It was the real deal and must’ve cost Mum/Dad/Santa almost THIRTY DOLLARS! To unnecessarily quote Buble’, this tape was ‘my everything’. I’d watch it again and again and again. I watched it so many times that, when i was a kid,  i could adjust the tracking in seconds. Hi Fi audio? Yes please. That video was, and still is, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Movie. Wow. 

I’m pretty nostalgic at the best of times, but an unexpected reunion with my ‘heroes in a half shell’ was enough to almost have me scream ‘Cowabunga’. Almost. Instead i muttered it under my breath. Doesn’t quite have the same effect. Try it.

Immediately, i wrestled the tape out of the cover and raced to the lounge room. I grabbed 2 cold slices of pizza (it’s what the turtles would’ve wanted) and slumped onto the couch. It was at this point i remembered i don’t have a VCR. Shit. In 2009, as a general rule, only grand parents still have a VCR. They like new technology to really prove itself with a solid 30-40 years before they splash out. I decided to call my grandpa. Once he worked out who he was speaking to (8 minutes into the conversation) he said he wouldn’t be able to bring his VCR over for me as he was having some problems with the back wheel on his Penny Farthing. Shit. 

I looked at the picture on the cover, the four turtles emerging from the New York underground. Above the picture was the quote ‘Lean, Green And On The Screen’. So very true. Just not on MY freaking screen. In 2009, girls like to discuss which Sex and The City character they’d be. Just as an FYI, if your friends say you’re Samantha, it’s the equivalent of them calling you Slutbag-Whore-Features. Back in the day, we had a similar game based around the Turtles. I started thinking about the hours and hours spent playing Ninja Turtle dress ups with my mates. I wondered why i always had to be April O’Neil. Better than Samantha i guess. 

I don’t really know what the point of this blog is, other than to say that i was genuinely excited to re-discover this slice of my childhood today. We get so bogged down with work, bills, doom, gloom and the general reality of being an adult. Sometimes a simple hour or two of just letting yourself be a kid again can be a very pleasant experience. Do you have a game, place, show, food or anything that brings out your inner child? If so, revisit it today! Within reason of course. This certainly isn’t a license to recommence breast feeding.

Celebrations in Sydney this morning as the city completed its much anticipated transformation into Sepia Tone. Crowds gathered at popular landmarks such as The Sydney Harbour Bridge and The Opera House to marvel at their new reddish brown monochrome tint. The controversial move into Sepia Tone is a result of the 2008 referendum which saw Sydney-siders reject the governments proposal of a move into Black and White.

Visiting tourists are delighted with the change, “Normally when i get back from an overseas trip i spend at least an hour trying to make my photos seem a little more sophisticated by applying the Sepia Tone effect to them in Photoshop. But now, thanks to Sydney’s radical progressiveness, i have a digital camera full of classy photos and a severe chest infection”, said Lee Lin Hoo of Sweden.

But not everyone is pleased with the initiative. Franky Fakenameavich from the I.S.H.A (International Soccer Hooligan’s Association) says the whole thing is a kick in the guts to a group of guys just trying to have a bit of harmful fun, “This is bullshit mate. Absolute bullshit. We’ve spent over 3 grand on flares to see us through til’ the end of the year, and they’re all in the same colour, ORANGE. With this Sepia bullshit, we’re not even gonna get noticed. We’ll have to kick ourselves out of the stadium. That’s embarrassing”.

Whatever the case, today, Sydney has the whole world talking. Internet sites have been taken over by the ‘Everything looks classier in Sepia Tone’ phenomenon. A simple game that involves internet-users taking a photo of something one wouldn’t normally describe as classy, and applying a Sepia Tone effect to it. To play along, simply save the photos below and get set to be blown away by how classy they look as a result of the unstoppable Sepia Tone effect.

The best friend of a soldier killed in Afghanistan has come through on an agreement they made by wearing a fluorescent green dress and pink leg warmers to his mate’s funeral. To this gentleman, i say well played. 

Obviously, a funeral is about showing respect. But it’s also about individuality, and celebrating the personality and wishes of the deceased. People deal with grief in different ways, and for a lot of people, laughter is the perfect release. Now i’m not suggesting we drag out the body and stage a re-enactment of our favourite ‘Weekend At Bernie’s’ scene, but i am in favour of a lighter approach to funeral’s.

In December last year, i attended the funeral of a dear friend, Richard Marsland. Some of you will be familiar with his amazing comedic talents from shows such as Get This, Rove, Pete and Myf, Newstopia etc etc. On a personal level, Richard was one of the most gentle, loyal, giving people you’d ever come across. If anything, he was too kind. He was constantly apologising. And if anyone pulled him up for too many unnecessary apologies, without a hint of irony he’d say ‘really?, oh, i’m sorry mate’. Brilliant. I’m not sure if there is such a thing, but Richard’s was the perfect funeral. His personality was stamped all over it. The music, the clips on the big screen, the eulogies, the whole shebang (incidentally, yet another show he starred on). But the moment that brought the biggest smile to my face happened at the end. As guests exited the church, we were greeted with two Black Thunder vehicles (Richard drove them for SAFM back in the day) – they were devoid of signage and were manned by two people wearing t-shirts that read ‘Generic Radio Station’. Guests were handed icy cold cans of coke and (Richard’s staple beverage) Farmers Union Iced Coffee’s. Superb. We walked away knowing that the afternoon filled with an equal quota of laughter and tears was exactly what Richard would’ve wanted. However, i was a little pissed off that the thunders didn’t have any movie passes or copies of New Idea. Disgraceful. How am i supposed to know how much weight Magda Szubanski’s allegedly lost now? 

It would be remiss of me to talk about the lighter side of death without an honorary mention to creator of The Goon Show, Spike Milligan. He has provided us with what has to be the funniest epitaph of all time. Spike’s tombstone reads, ‘I told you i was ill’. 

Now it’s time for Sam’s morbid question of the week! (wacky musical sting, 3-4 seconds). Have you ever thought of any light hearted requests you may have for your funeral? I managed to narrow mine to a top 3 list;

3 – Strictly NO BLACK CLOTHES allowed. The brighter the better. C’mon, it’s not a bloody fu….oh, actually, yes it is.

2 – Fairy Bread.

1 – Coffin is lowered to the tune of Kool and The Gang’s ‘Celebration’. I challenge you to not smile when those horns kick in. These guys are so cool they spell it with a ‘k’!

Kyle Sandilands is my Hannibal Lecter. More on that in a minute. 

But first, Mr Sandilands has been suspended again after saying Magda Szubanski should attend a concentration camp to lose weight. Let the tired media onslaught begin. News websites will demand the show be axed, current affairs tv will conduct interviews with outraged family groups (who they’ve carefully selected and prepared), and even talkback radio hosts will give the time of day to discussing the very man they’ve previously labelled as “not worth the time of day”. Yawn. 

There’s a great irony here. If the comment is as offensive as they want us to believe, then surely replaying it every 30 seconds is only going to increase the amount of people it offends. It’s like telling your son the word ‘Fuck’ is a bad word, and to prove your point, handing him a Rodney Rude album. 

I think a big part of the confusion these days is to do with what is or isn’t acceptable to a mainstream audience. There’s a blurred logic. For example, The Simpsons used to be the edgiest cartoon on television. Then, faster than you can say “oh my god, Oprah’s vagina has a gun” South Park took the mantle. It didn’t stop there though. Along came Family Guy with an elderly man trying to coerce Chris downstairs alone to see his “cellar full of popsicles”. And so on and so forth. I love all of those shows by the way.

Sacha Baron Cohen is another example of the progression. Ali G seems pretty tame next to Borat. But in terms of vulgarity and political incorrectness (there it is, the term i couldn’t avoid), Borat seems pretty tame next to Bruno. Are we running out of room to move? I hope not.

As a fan of The Chaser, i was disappointed to see the ABC take the boys off the air this year in response to the ‘Make a Realistic Wish Foundation’ sketch. At times, the media coaches us to be outraged. I spoke to a number of people who were offended by that sketch. Some of whom, upon further questioning, hadn’t even seen it. That’s when i get frustrated.

Okay, where was i…..

Kyle is my Hannibal Lecter. Obviously they have their differences. Lecter listens to Bach, Kyle listens to the Backstreet Boys. Lecter eats brains, some claim Kyle’s have been eaten. But even though i’m fully aware of the acts of atrocity, errors in judgement, and unforgivable behaviour the two men have committed, part of me  (probably the same part that loves Dexter and that little Chucky doll) wants to see them survive. 

Whether we like it or not, people will continue to make light of potentially offensive issues. What’s touchy to one person, will be hilarious to another.  It’s a fact of life. When you consume a Chaser episode, or a Sacha Baron Cohen film, or even the Kyle and Jackie O Show – you’ve got a rough idea of what to expect. More importantly, you have the choice. And that’s my main point today, even though it may not be your cup of tea, i believe performers deserve the right to take risks and make mistakes, and we deserve the right to make our own mind up on who we stick with.

PS – if i knew how to use photoshop, i would’ve placed the Lecter mask on Kyle. It would’ve been a much more gripping photo for this blog. Unfortunately, i don’t know how to perform such a task. It’s got nothing to do with laziness. If you don’t believe me, you could always place me on a lie detector? Actually, maybe not.

PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO AFTER READING…….

Welcome to the third installment of the critically unacclaimed ‘Who Let The Blogs Out?’, aka the world’s least popular blog (almost 7 billion non-subscribers can’t be wrong). Today, i tackle an issue close to my diaphragm. What is the greatest karaoke song ever? SPOILER ALERT – My answer is obviously already in the attached video above. DOUBLE SPOILER ALERT – Chris De Burgh, Lady In Red.

The Japanese are a very giving nation. Karate, Sushi, Robots, A surprise present to their American ‘friends’ in Pearl Harbour, just to name a few. But in terms of their greatest ever contribution, it’s tough to go past Karaoke. Karaoke was officially launched in Japan in 1971. Originally, it was a combination of their two greatest loves, Karaoke and Karate. Unfortunately, Karate-oke never quite caught on. Primarily because it only ever worked for the Carl Douglas hit ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ which was still 3 years away from existing.

On an average night of karaoke, the following will happen; A sad couple will attempt ‘Summer Lovin” from Grease, the levels will distort as they over-enthusiastically sing ‘oh-well-a-well-a-well-a-UH’ / A group of three breezer-fuelled girls will only go up as a group to sing either ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ by Cindy Lauper or anything by The Spice Girls. One of the girls will be overweight and wearing unflattering pants / and someone will murder a classic. Generally, either Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ or John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’. A note to these people, if you’re going to do it to ‘Imagine’, at least do it under the name Mark David Chapman.

Personally, i like to pick something to slow the mood down. Something that stands out from the pack of sing-along pop songs. Something that is guaranteed to fill a room full of strangers with a smack in the face of romantic awkwardness. For this, my weapon of choice is the greatest love song of all time, ‘Lady In Red’ by Chris De Burgh. Wow. You were amazing. Here’s a little bit of background on the masterpiece; ‘Lady In Red’ was number 1 in 25 countries. The song was loosely written about his wife Diane. Chris saw Diane across a crowded nightclub one night and was touched by her beauty. He didn’t realise he was staring at his wife. Herein lies the songs message, “People should never take the most important person in their life for granted”. Simply charming.

I could leave it at that, but i’m not going to. I’m going to give you the truth about Chris De Burgh. First of all, i’d like you to re-read the quote above. Think about the message. Okay, here we go, in 1994 Chris had an affair with the family’s 19 year old nanny. Wait, it gets better. He did this while his wife of 17 years, Diane, was in hospital with a broken neck sustained in a horse riding accident. And you think you know someone! No information available on whether or not the nanny was wearing red at the time.

Back to the song…..As you watch the video above, keep an eye out for a few of my favourite moments;

- 9 seconds – The amazing height Chris reaches with his eye-brows. Not the first time he’s raised a few.

- 43 seconds – The rare combination of violinists and smoke machines. Avant-garde.

- 1min 50 seconds – Over emphasis of the word amazing.

- 2min 4 seconds – Swingers wedding at table 14? AMAZING!

- 2min 15 seconds – Unexplained Carols By Candlelight stock footage.

- 3 min 36 seconds – Unsuccessful crowd participation moment.

- 00:00 to 03:47 – That mullet. 

Now for some potentially unsuccessful crowd participation of my own, do you have your own selection for the greatest ever karaoke song? I promise i wont judge. Unless it’s by Shania Twain. Why wasn’t SHE the one in that horse riding accident. Poor Diane.

Now before you attack the keyboard with comments like ‘the monster doesn’t exist douchebag, the whole thing is a hoax,

no wonder this blog rarely gets more than 15 views a week’, can i just ask you to open your mind to a little possibility for a moment?

And stop hypothetically saying such hurtful things about my blog. 

Loch Ness is a large, deep, freshwater Loch in the Scottish Highlands. In Scottish-speak, the word ‘Loch’ obviously translates to ‘Lake’. 

I learnt that once, while in Scotland, watching ‘The Ricki Loch Show’. In said Loch, there lives an enormous monster. It was first brought

to the world’s attention way back in 1933. It doesn’t take a genius to realise, that’s over 76 years without the monster being disproved. 

I know there’s a lot of nut-jobs out there who think the monster doesn’t exist, they’re probably the same people who think Elvis lives,

Jesus is back on a piece of toast, and Tim Bailey should be on television.

I have a personal connection to The Loch Ness Monster. My dad raised me with wonderful songs and stories about the handful of people

lucky enough to catch a glimpse of ‘Nessie’. I’ll share my favourite. True story…..Dad was 17 years old, it was his first time in Scotland,

a group of his mates decided they would catch a bus to Loch Ness and spend a few days together. First night, 8pm, freezing cold and

pitch black. It was just about time to head back to base and retire for the night when SPLASH! My dad was pushed into the Loch Ness.

Time stood still. Dad didn’t. Frantically he worked his way towards the safety of land. Then, just before he made it out, it happened. Dad felt

something tug at his left leg. It was much bigger and stronger than he was. “Help, get me out, get me out”, he screamed. His mates laughed. 

Whatever it was, decided to let go. Dad was out of the Loch, and in one piece. As he sat there regaining his breath, amazed at his brush with

death, Alec, his larger friend who he hadn’t seen for about ten minutes, emerged from the water. Even in a time best described as pre-Matt Tilley,

his mates shouted “Gotcha!”. They copped him a beauty. Dad would have the last laugh though. Alec was still mid celebration when The Loch 

Ness Monster grabbed hold of his fat guts, pulled him underwater, savagely bit his head off, chewed out most of his intestines and then took

a big steaming monster dump on his decapitated corpse. Bad Nessie. It’s from this very story that we discovered the term, and general

disapproval for a ‘Smart Alec’. 

On a serious note, as The Monkees once said (before Smash Mouth ruined it for everyone) “I’m a believer”. There’s something out there

in those deep, dark waters (other than the body parts of ‘Smart Alec’). If it wasn’t the case, then why would there be hundreds of stores selling

maps, t-shirts, umbrella’s, coffee mugs and tea towel’s ALL with the Loch Ness Monster image on them? You can’t look me in the eye and tell

me you believe it’s  just a money making scheme to capitalize on stupid tourists can you? can you?

Two pieces of good news here; 1) More proof The Loch Ness Monster exists, 2) Someone found a use for Google Earth other than

down-blousing. (Footnote R. Marsland)

Finally, if you happen to be one of those crazy-skeptic-looney-tune-whack-jobs who DOESN’T believe that’s a photo of The Loch Ness Monster…..then please, tell me what it is? I look forward to proving you wrong in my up-coming ‘Loch-umentary’ ™.